You can be broken by hardship, or you can be broken open by it. When you are broken, David Brooks explains, you armour up and make yourself invulnerable, closing yourself off to protect against more pain. When you are broken open, you become more vulnerable, even inside the hardship, and that is how suffering turns into growth. In this conversation, Brooks talks honestly about how we actually help each other through the valley. He starts with his own mistakes. When his oldest friend, Peter, fell into a severe depression in his fifties, Brooks tried to fix it, suggesting things that had once brought Peter joy, and tried to remind him how good his life was. He learned that both were wrong. Offering a depressed person ideas only shows you do not understand, because they are not short on ideas, they are short on desire and energy. And reminding someone of the good things only underlines that they cannot feel them. What he wishes he had done instead is simpler and harder: acknowledge the reality first, this sucks, tell me how it sucks. Then say, I want more for you. Then stay in touch, a text every single day that says I'm not going anywhere. He recalls Viktor Frankl, who told suicidal prisoners that life had not stopped expecting things of them. Then Brooks tells the story of his own repair. Lonely after a divorce, burying himself in work, he was invited one Thursday to the home of a couple who had begun feeding a boy whose mother couldn't always care for him. That boy brought a friend, who brought a friend, until 40 teenagers filled the house with mattresses on every floor. A young man reached out and told him, we hug here. Brooks went back every Thursday night for seven years. That chosen family, which demanded emotional openness and beamed love until you had to beam it back, was his healing. Because we grow, he says, through rupture and repair, never through ease, and you cannot climb out of the valley alone. Someone has to reach down. It left him convinced of something he had felt all along: that the heart, not the brain, is the real driver of our lives, and that educating our emotions through art, literature, and love is the true work of a life. Want to go deeper with David Brooks? Join Sounds True One for more teachings like this. Get your first month FREE at https://bit.ly/4ctecMn Subscribe to Sounds True's YouTube Channel ► https://bit.ly/SubscribeSTYT Sounds True is a mission-driven learning and media company, and a recognized leader in wellbeing, personal growth, and spiritual transformation. Partnering with the world’s foremost wisdom teachers and best-selling authors, the company reaches millions worldwide with its unique programs, digital learning experiences, and worldwide events. The company also features a variety of original series, weekly shows, and live online experiences on Sounds True One, its global platform and community with members across more than 125 countries. Sounds True is a Public Benefit Corporation and also the home of the Sounds True Foundation. Connect with us: ▪️Facebook: http://bit.ly/2XFIIeE ▪️Instagram: http://bit.ly/2UlEoiH ▪️Website: http://bit.ly/2tOl02d