A debate among Catholics erupted online recently when Catholic writer Patrick Neve urged Catholics to stop church hopping. Even though many parishioners feel that the “music, homilies, or community are better somewhere else,” driving further away to worship “causes a dilution of resources” and weakens the Church as a whole. 

He compares this situation to a “kid who never eats dinner at home,” which indicates serious problems. Similarly, so many Catholics hopping to churches nearly an hour away from their homes are communicating that the churches nearby have major deficiencies. Therefore, according to Neve, good Catholics should return to their spiritual “home” and ditch the destination church. 

Naturally, among those who church hop, Neve’s argument seems facile and dismissive. Many of their objections to their neighborhood church go well beyond aesthetics. Some have pastors straying from Church teaching, regularly misleading their congregations and jeopardizing their spiritual well-being.

Others have pastors who use their platform to push partisan views and agitate against political authorities. What should a member of St. Susanna Catholic Church in Massachusetts do when Fr. Josoma replaces the Nativity scene with a sign reading “ICE was here”? What should parents do when they see their priest blessing gay couples and effectively endorsing the queer lifestyle? This is not the kind of thing to discuss over doughnuts or in a committee meeting. Worse still, these ministers are supported by the majority of the congregation who equate leftist activism with Christian virtue.

Naturally, among those who church hop, Neve’s argument seems facile and dismissive. Tweet This

That said, while these abuses drive a large portion of Catholics to go church hopping, this is not always the case. Many, if not the majority, of church hoppers do so out of personal preference. This has become ever more common with the spread of online evangelization and apologetics. If one becomes infatuated with traditionalism by listening to Matt Fradd’s Pints with Aquinas podcast and reading about Church history, he will likely seek out the Traditional Latin Mass (TLM) parish in his area and skip over his neighborhood parish.

And if that’s the case, is it really such a bad thing, as Neve suggests, or a new reality to which Catholic pastors need to adapt? As a practicing Catholic who church hopped for so many years only to make his peace with the church up the street, I would suggest a third option, which lies somewhere in the middle.

When one is in that early season of faith when he is asking questions, depending on established authorities, and establishing the foundations of belief, finding the right church community will likely require some hopping. It is better to have some flexibility in this regard than allow children to lose their faith—which, as Christ warned, is among the worst things a person can do. Some churches simply have more to offer younger Christians than others, and this is fine. 

Unfortunately, most of the programming and preaching for young Catholics tends to be, to quote a popular meme, “fake and gay.” As I explain in a recent podcast, this expression has less to do with homosexuality or phoniness and more to do with being overly trite, patronizing, and tasteless. The only reason I ran through this gauntlet of cringe with my faith intact, unlike the majority of my peers, was because most of my spiritual growth came from outside the church.

After the church indulged in senseless hysteria after a possible outbreak of Ebola (a sign of things to come during Covid), I then began attending a traditional parish over half an hour away. For the first time as an adult, I took my faith more seriously and formed closer ties with fellow church members who agreed with me about religious worship. During these years, I was an enthusiastic advocate of this form of worship and saw it as the future of the Catholic Church. I still do.

After several years, I finally moved back to my neighborhood church down the street. Not only was this far more convenient, it also just felt right. I did my part to reinvigorate the parish—joining the choir, registering my kids for religious education, connecting with other young families, and participating in various social events.

After several years, I finally moved back to my neighborhood church down the street. Not only was this far more convenient, it also just felt right.Tweet This

Am I on fire to talk about the faith, watch apologetics debates, and read lengthy tomes on scholastic philosophy? Not really. My attitude about my faith mainly concerns being a good father, faithful husband, informed Christian, and responsible citizen. I am in a decidedly different season of the spiritual life than I was, and I am okay without the “smells and bells” of the TLM. 

This experience has given me perspective on church hopping and the tendency to demand more from one’s church. I now see that most of a church’s culture is influenced by its members more than its leadership or anything else. In the suburbs, where retirees and senior citizens make up the majority of a church’s congregation and volunteers, worship will inevitably suit their preferences. 

Naturally, that means encountering more of the “fake and gay” aspects that push some people away. Many of my fellow parishioners are the kindest old people one could ever meet, but they are also hopelessly out of touch and misinformed about the world. They will volunteer at bake sales and attend Bunco night just as easily as they will go to a “No Kings” protest and grouse about singing premodern hymns. They love children, but they also suffer from gramnesia—forgetting the challenges of raising small children and keeping them quiet at Mass. 

As annoying as this can be, it is still not enough to push me away. This church really is my home, and its members really are my family. Moreover, they take on many duties that will be missed when they pass on. My differences with them are more generational than theological, and these can be overcome with loving patience and principled persistence. 

Neve is largely right to enjoin his fellow Catholics to end their church hopping. After all, joining a church should not be treated like joining a scene. The devout life has always meant overcoming divisions and committing to living the Gospel as one body. This means making that annoying next-door neighbor a neighbor in Christ as well. Most of us understand that these churches need us to come back, but despite what we tell ourselves, we should understand that we need these churches too.