THE Government is requiring the taxpayer to spend £161,000 on an ‘evaluation’ of Parkruns. A consultancy firm, Frontier Economics (‘we think more widely than the immediate question, and deliver more than expected’), has been awarded a five-month contract ‘to provide an independent evaluation’ of the free 5km event which takes place across Britain (and elsewhere) each Saturday at 9am. The study has yet to be concluded but TCW’s Wellness Correspondent John Ellwood understands that the Government is keen to include the following recommendations in the final report . . .

Costs and Benefits 

Problem: While individuals who compete in Parkruns may gain some minimal health benefits, this is more than offset by the burden they impose on our NHS. Inevitably, trips, sprains and torn ligaments will be the consequence of individuals striving to improve their personal best time.

Recommendation: It is proposed that competitors will be required to gain a Licence to Run Certificate (LTRC). These would be issued by the relevant local authority on payment of a fee of £250.  The issuing body would be able to deny participation in Parkruns if it believed an individual was likely to pull a muscle, strain a tendon or had made comments on social media that were deemed inappropriate.

Those on benefits and recent migrants would be allowed free certificates.

Supervision

Problem: Currently Parkruns are arranged and managed by volunteers. No checks are made on the suitability of these individuals to organise large groups.

Recommendation: All Parkruns will be obliged to accept supervision from a salaried state-appointed Senior Parkrun Commissioner (SPC). Their role will be to monitor the activities of volunteers and ensure that all participants have a valid LTRC. Each SPC will be assisted in this task by a minimum of ten salaried Assistant Parkrun Commissioners (APCs). APCs will position themselves at strategic locations along the course to ensure that no runner is speeding (see below).

Diversity

Problem: Parkruns tend to attract predominantly white middle-class participants. In a diverse multicultural society this is clearly an unacceptable anomaly.

Recommendation: Runs may proceed only if the following quota of runners is met:

*To encourage runners from a particular religion to participate, dogs on leads will no longer be permitted.

**In the interests of inclusivity, members of the Romany community will be allowed to ride horses.

** ‘Others’ can include people with disabilities. They will be allowed to use mobility scooters and other electric vehicles.

Read More – A woke in the park